editing your family

This is a pretty personal post, and I know that it will elicit some strong feelings.
I try to be a responsible person.
I try to take my commitments seriously.
I try to do the right thing.
Family is important to me, and I really try to be there for my family as much as I possibly can.
I live in a tiny but adorable house, and my boyfriend and I live quite well off very modest incomes.
When my mom needed a place to stay for two months last year, we just blocked off the living room and gave her a place to stay and food to eat and did the very best that we could.
Same thing for my sister this summer - we are not rich people and we certainly do not live in a palace, but it makes us feel really good to help people who are important to us, so we do as much as we can.
It's not altruism. We are very selfish people, but it makes us feel good to help our family when we can.
I am building this picture because I am going to admit something that some people will perceive in a negative light.
I have edited out my unfamily.
I don't know how many other people have this kind of unfamily in their life, so I should explain.
My mom has had this best friend for 30 plus years.
For my whole life, I have been expected to show up at this best friend's house for all of the major Jewish holidays.
I never interact with these people at any other time of year.
When I was a kid I didn't really question the arrangement, but things are different now.
I not only have my own  family obligations, but also my boyfriend's family obligations.
All of these obligations can add up to a lot of time spent celebrating and socializing and listening and caring.
And then there is the unfamily.
I am expected to show up a couple of times a year for holidays, but any other time of year it's like the unfamily doesn't exist.
My own family went through an incredibly difficult year, last year.
The unfamily was not around for any of it.
They just expected that we would show up for the holidays as usual and do our pretend family thing and then go back to our regular lives.
Well, I am now saying enough is enough.
I do not have time in my life for unfamily or unfriends or unanything really.
I am editing out the extraneous so that I can focus my time, energy, and love on the things that really matter to me.
I am editing out the un.